One time the guy I was seeing had an ex lover come visit and stay with him for a weekend. Next thing I know he's telling me I'm a liar, fake, insecure and disgusting to him.
To give you some context, we'd broken up 2 months prior to this incident and were trying to work things out at the time. Additionally, the few times I had met by accident some of the girls he'd been imitate with (but apparently not in a relationship with) had not been pleasant. For example, the one time I flew up to visit him (when we were living in different cities) and we arrived to his place from the airport to find one on his doorstep with a suitcase. Well she ran out of there so fast and wouldn't look or speak to me. The next time I stumbled across one, it was a full blown love affair style texting conversation, including boob photos. He played this off as normal and the 'you don't understand' card. So admittedly I was very cautious and suspicious of females of his past.
Back to the story, he was taking her around Sydney to some of the key tourist attractions over the weekend. On the Sunday they were going to the aquarium and then Yum Cha in the city. He invited me to come join them for lunch so I could meet her.
At first I was hesitant. Why do I want to put myself in a situation that could be potentially be really awkward and blow up? The other voice in my head, he's asking nicely and what would it look like if I said no? In the end I decided I'll meet them for lunch... what could go wrong, right?
Sunday morning I went on a walk with a friend around the city's water side. Afterwards I got changed at theirs before heading to lunch with him and the friend (I wanted to look nice for him and make him proud). I caught an Uber closer as I was wearing heels. I got dropped off and saw them just down the road walking. He was carrying her bag, admittedly I got put out by it as there was no obvious signs as to why and he would never do this for me. As they got closer to the restaurant he handed it back to her, and in my mind it's so I don't see.
I tried to catch up, but that's not happening with me in heels. In the end I loose them on the street, and catch up to them in the restaurant waiting to be seated. With a short laugh I comment that I must learn her secret to get him to carry her bag as he's never done that for me. I fully recognize this wasn't the nicest remark (sigh). Pushing forward, I get little to no greeting or introduction from him. A short awkward wait later we are seated.
Now I love dumplings, but too many and it feels like a dead weight in the stomach. That's all they ordered. So of course I look rude because I'm not eating as much. Shrugging it off, I clarify it's because I ate a lot of snacks on my walk this morning.
Suddenly the his inquisition begins; what did you do, where did you go, how did you get here, do you have photos (i.e. evidence)... I could recognize he was looking for something in my 'story' to be a lie that he could blow up. I tried to ignore it.
Recognizing I was unfairly icy upon arrival I wanted to make up for it, made conversation and got to know his friend. How would I describe her?
Visually she was of smaller stature, hourglass type figure, big hips, short inconsistent bottle blonde hair which had a wet oily looking curl to it (this was by design), very pale heart shaped face, thin penciled eyebrows, big nose and a downturned mouth and barely visible teeth smile.
According to Chinese Astrology
"Downturned Mouth Corners: Those who have downturned (drooping) mouth corners are proud, upright and a little stubborn. They take a tough stance, never compromise easily and sometimes tend to be overly principled. Also, they are hard-working and brave enough to face challenges and dilemmas. This kind of mouth suggests the troubled marriage. In general, people with closed lips and drooping corners are passive, pessimistic, good at sarcasm, opinionated and complaining rather than grateful."
Regarding her personality, she is on face value friendly, embraces the I do things but I will come calling one day mentality (which she actually verbalized whilst we were talking), relishes in drama, and I imagine would be the bitter type if caught on the wrong side of.
Either way the friend and I chatted, next to me I could sense the his fury fires heating up. I'd obviously answered one of his questions wrongly or he disapproved about something. I also started to get a sense of how damaged and negative she was, I knew this would only later go to fuel these fires x10.
Once lunch was done, we all walked back to his car said our goodbyes and parted ways.
Doesn't sound too bad right?... WRONG.
A few hours later I get a text;
"I am staggered by the sheer number of lies you told over lunch today. I am just disgusted and I cannot believe it. I cannot believed I loved you. My instincts were right, you are utterly fake and complete insecure."
Upon receiving this my mind just went WTF!? What in the world have I done now.
So the next few hours I spent trying talking to him to understand what the hell was going on. Apparently I'd lied about my movements and that it was impossible to get around the city in the timeframe I did (thanks Uber for making the impossible possible). I continued to receive more verbal abuse from him which then turned into a court case and me having to defend myself and provide evidence (i.e. Uber receipts) to the judge, jury and executioner (him).
In the background, I knew she'd be floating about spewing negativity and planting all sorts of seeds around how bad I am/what I'd done. It's hard enough managing one controlling narcist, but now also having to indirectly deal with the damaged support dog is impossible. Ideally, the best thing you can do it separate the two, but in this case that wasn't going to happen.
Exhausting.
In the end, despite highlighting how ridiculous this accusation was, that I'd done nothing to deserve it and try talking through it, I folded and sent a screenshot of the Uber rides that he was demanding to prove my innocence. Ironically he wasn't happy at first but eventually sent through "all good" as an apology. The fact that I hadn't lied or done anything wrong seemed more like an inconvenience to his storyline than relief or good news.
This is all classic behaviour of being in a relationship with an incredibly controlling person with a few other mental issues on the side (e.g. narcissism, sociopathy, gas lighting etc.).
If you find yourself experiencing similar situations, please think twice about the healthiness of the relationship and more importantly of your own mental health. We all can only take so many stones being thrown at us.
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